Let us start in the 50's, which is surely the last time that such a homely little cinema as the one in Bo'ness last opened. The Hippodrome reopened at the beginning of the summer having been closed for around 40 years. It is wonderful, with a proper balcony, great interior & little old ladies running a concession stand. The parent & baby screenings, where the lights aren't dropped all the way, the sound is a little quieter and no one looks askance if your baby cries are inspired creations, even if the new Harry Potter isn't.
The fifties feel continued when we wandered out into sunny afternoon and stumbled almost straight into a family butchers, Thomas Burns & Son, who was able to give us a cracking ham hock (see the pea & ham hock soup recipe) and some very decent smoked bacon. Sadly my search for pork mince from local butcher continues. They all offer to have some for tomorrow, but come on, you have diced neck right there, would it kill you to take it through the back and mince it for me? Frankly, if you can't, then you aren't a real butcher.
Having had such a great day, we decided to stick around for lunch, at which point it all went a bit 80's. Certainly that's the last time I was in unfamiliar town and couldn't find anywhere to eat. I only got one hit for a restaurant (in a town of 15,000 people) when I searched online, but hey the restaurant's site looked good so we walked up the hill to the Riverview. Unfortunately, we had missed the tiny mention that the restaurant is closed Monday & Tuesday. Despairing of finding lunch, we made for home & Linlithgow, but on the way out of town, we encountered the the Richmond Park Hotel & its astonishingly large banner proclaiming lunch until 2.30pm.
We huzzah'd and headed for the entrance... we thought. The door to the bar, where the banner said lunch was served, was locked. We looked around & saw the door to the Grill, our mistake we thought and headed on over... also locked. We were on the verge of giving up when a member of staff pulled up in his car & directed us to a gap between two wooden hoardings covering building work. This was the entrance to the hotel proper, completely unmarked and unseen from the road. On entering, a builder directed us to a very empty conservatory where lunch was being served to two other couples. Had we had any other real options we would have given up and left, but we stayed and boy was it eye opening.
Drinks arrived quickly from one of the two waitresses who seemed to disappear for hours at a time any time they needed to deliver or collect an order: it was the last thing that would happen quickly. The three menus we collected for ourselves. Each claimed completely different things about what was available & when. In the end, we just asked if the burgers were available, our waitress wasn't sure (I don't blame her, it stated categorically on the bar menu that they weren't available until 5pm), but her colleague assured us that they were. We ordered two with bacon & cheese and a side order of fries. I went in search of the toilet & on the way back found a collection of highchairs, which hadn't been offered for our 1 year old daughter, I grabbed one & headed back to our table. I'm glad we had food for Elspeth, because her rice crackers gave us something to snack on. Fully 40 minutes after we ordered our burgers arrived. We'll I'm in the odd position of criticizing food that didn't taste too bad for what it was. The burger was bought in, but not bad, but it was covered in so much coloured cheddar that it had spilled out to cover much of my plate and I needed to fold it back into the bun. The bacon, lettuce & onion was crisp, but the tomato was cut into slabs almost as thick as the burger & the bun disintegrated half way through. The whole thing arrived on a little side plate with no side salad or attempt at presentation. The fries were again bought in, but nice & crisp; unfortunately they were getting a little cold by the time that the salt & ketchup arrived ten minutes after our food. This was where my 80's flashback fully coalesced; I was eating in a Wimpey burger! Not sure if it is fast food or a restaurant, table service or order at the bar, real plates, but no attempt at further presentation.
All in all, the Richmond Park Grill is hugely confused & confusing. It seems to be the only game in town at least two days a week, it has someone who can assemble a half decent burger (not good, but not awful) and it really reasonably priced, yet it has no business. Presumably locals are as unsure of where they will get something to eat as we were. As I've recommended to many places before, pick a couple of dishes & make them really good. Simplify your menus (making sure you know which one to order off of would be a start), beef up the presence online, perhaps drop some flyers at the swish new cinema, put up a sign that says 'Entrance' and I imagine that you'll see a few more customers. I'll be back at the Hippodrome, but not necessarily back at the Richmond Park, I'd rather wait until they caught up the rest of the world.
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